Simply Stylez Simply Striking

Its monday the start of yet another Great work week, my work week kinda got off to a bad start, I hate being accused for ish I have no control over. Men suck. Dont worry fellaz, I know you make up the basis of my supporters, lol I won’t man bash today, but I’m just saying.
Beyond that hole in my life, I’m chilling figuring out how to pay the bills and still maintain Stylez, you know? what 99.9% of Americans are trying to figure out these days.
Tonight is lipservice . After lipservice I’m going to hang around at the studio and get my dry vocals on a cd for my next two mixtapes.
“Home Alone” the mixtape i just dropped with bullet is doing quite well. last check was at 6,170 downloads on zshare. as Bullet would say “Woot Woot”.
I’m excited to see how the next mixtape moves. Maybe it will double. Hmmm I dunno but, I am excited. Yes! . So yesterday I got to hang out with big dj S&S and the fatboy radio crew . Yo S&S’s temper…Definitely Harlem! lol. Its amazing who knows your family etc. S&S and I were both raised in the same hood, obviously at different times being he is WAYYYYYY older than me. Dude knows my eldest brother lol called him “lil ka”. lmao I’m like he ain’t little, nicca is 30 years old. I told S the people i knew in the hood , All the hood figures lol two of the dudes I mentioned happen to be his brothers. Side note: One thing I never made a point of, was studying the hood, I never knew who was related or how, I never really hung on the hill, like the other kids growing up, so I missed alot of memos. But its just interesting to see how webstar and all of these “harlem artists” all breed from the same stomping grounds. “WEB” watched me grow up, he probably still looks at me like a little girl lol. what ever the case, I’m happy for anyone making it out the hood, or attempting to do something positive and constructive, however WEB, RON can we get some individuality? like forreal guys come on!
Moving along, Feels like the makings of a peaceful day, I erased plenty numbers out the phone today, if you don’t call me? I’m not calling you! You’ve been erased, sorry but I got tired of looking at numbers I dont use in my phone. dropping mother fuckers like bad habbits lol.
I can’t tell if this dude really wants to be my friend, or if he is just using that line to get in my space, but he seems way cool. not my type, but way cool. I don’t really feel like starting over, doing the rebound shit, I’ll let the career be my rebound. Can’t get left in the dust chasing behind dudes… FUCK -A- DAT. However I do find myself feeling a tad bit lonely at times. I think that, when grandma died, I kind of used what he and I had as a filler. I mean there is no replacing my mother, but he was here for it all from her illness to her death and funeral, having him by my side kinda made ish easier to deal with, I always had somewhere I could just zone out and keep my mind off the sadness, Now I’m forced to deal with shit dead on, and by myself and I’d be lying if I said “it was easy”. I need to rely more on myself and less on them niggaz, because shit, they come, and go. I didn’t celebrate this weekend, I’m just getting over what ever it is I had, all I know is I was SICK. felt like the flu but worse… Although i was sick I did find some time to kick it with @kidnovice… the “rapper” he’s a cool dude, kinda slow { on the retard side} but def cool. music is decent… def room for GROWTH but he’s grinding and I respect that. and he bought me lunch lol so yea thanx O… I’ll leave the last 3 letters of the name out for good measure lol. Let me be careful before the next thing out in twitterville/ internet land is “I’m fucking kidnovice” lets disspell any bullshit now. he is cool as all my other rapper friends. I wonder who is coming up on lipservice tonight… hmm pornstars and rappers lol get some new drops maybe
yay. Getting to know myself more through the bullshit. Becoming a better person. more reliant on self. nobody is going to hold my hand and walk with me through life. I have to learn to walk completely alone. Its def not easy but, its something that I will learn with time. Time heals all wounds, I look back at where I was this time last year, I had just met a dick head rapper around this time of the year smh smh. I was fairly new to being a paid employee at sirius. Grandma was here encouraging me to stick it out with school, I was getting tired of it. Now this year I sit here with a degree, training new folk at work, Love life the same as it was then, Grandma gone in body never in spirit. Life will forever be different. Somedays I sit back and wish I could go back home to Harlem, smell the scent of grandmas famous rice and beans on the stove, I wish I could turn the key to my harlem home and see fluffy anf frisky my grandparents dogs locked in the bathroom, wish I could smell the scent of vicks and moth balls. Wishing i could argue with her about the pettiest ish lol. But I know they are just wishes and dreams. I’ll never be able to touch my mother again, never be able to walk in to my Harlem Home again. I’m home sick.
I mean my new home is not bad, its comfy and cozy, its decent, nice layout, but it just doesn’t feel like home, no matter how manytimes I turn the key in my door, it doesn’t feel like home. and its a hard pill to swallow. I find myself just laying, looking into the sky thinking to myself, praying my grandma can hear my thoughts. Asking God to show me my way. Difficult is life.
But i think to myself, things could be so much worse, yes, I lost the one thing that made me whole. my foundation.
but she built me strong, and I have so many beautiful blessings, it makes no sense to complain about what I don’t have. Just need to go harder to get exactly what it is I want. After deep thought. I want a family. Which is why i strive so hard for greatness i wanna afford the finer things for my child. I want to have the dream wedding and all the trimmings, i mean obviously not at 22. but shit 4 years from now i hope to be engaged lol. probably not my attitude is rediculous but thats the dream to have my first baby at around 26/ 27 I think about some of the women I know who don’t have children yet and are well into their 30’s etc they’ve put their careers ahead of the family dream… thats cool but it just seems lonely, hell I’m lonely now. I can’t imagine not having my own family at 33, still running around with different guys being an old cougar lol. too each its own but not for me, I dont wanna be 33 still hitting clubs i was hitting at 22… Hmmm def not for me. Yea you can see my mind is always on a huned trill. smh Its all good. the abstract mind of stylez.

REALITY BLOGGER # 1