Its been a while since I’ve blessed you with my thoughts. I know I’ve been neglecting the normies that visit the site, I apologize. I’ve been going through so much. For starters a lot of my time has been dedicated to my day job. I am actually in the beginning phases of constructing curriculum for all of the PAL CENTERS in nyc to follow, which is big in its own right. Beyond that my life at sirius has kind of been on hold. My sunday show was cancelled about two weeks ago, and Well lets just say its been a rollercoaster ride of emotions dealing with my castle. I’ve been under a serious state of depression, Slowly sneaking up is the one year anniversary of my mothers death. the closer the day gets, the harder it becomes to concentrate. I know she would want me to remain focused, but I think the year anniversary is really like a turning point in my life. Its been a year since I’ve completely been on my own. a year since my mother left me to join our heavenly father. Its tough. Some days I feel so alone. Some days I can’t get out of the bed. The tears they definitely fall. I spoke to a very distant cousin of mine. It felt good connecting with my family. felt good speaking to him, you never realize how much you have in common with a person until you hold a conversation. His issues are my issues, his pain my pains, so no, I’m really not going through this alone although in my mind, and my heart thats how it feels. Things always have a way of getting harder before they get better so I’m preparing for the worst but I’m surely ready for the rainbow after the storm.
I’m here at the PAL on my break. just thinking analyzing things. I’m very proud of myself because despite the pain I’ve been in these past few weeks, I can say with a straight face I’m finally getting over my ex, and I’m realizing we are better off as friends. It felt good talking to him this week, I broke down on the phone, and as usual he was right there to talk me through it, to metaphorically hold my hand, although he couldn’t physically be there with me, he did help. I’m glad I have genuine people around me that truly care about my well being. Im really going to start focusing back on the music, it feels like I’ve been gone a minute but in reality I just dropped the Travis Porter mixtape in January. My boys will be here next month and finally me and dj Teck will link up and vibe. good brother he is. Shout outs to dj woogie love ya brother. so umm I’m zoning out listening to my slow jams, trying to gather these porn stars together smh. I think porn stars are the worst. not because of wat they do, but because I’ve been waiting weeks for two porn stars in particular, and they are really making things harder than they need to be. If one of them wasn’t a Stylez I would have given up long ago… but I’m being patient trying to give them time to get it together. Working on this move I’m about to make. been looking at new apartments feeling confident i will find a banging one soon. OHHHHH So I’m going speed dating this saturday. First I’m going to check out Kel Spencers event than im going to check out Willy Dopes event/ party and sunday i have a lunch date. hmmm
yes I’m back on the dating scene after about a year of hoping and waiting for my ex to return i’ve realized I was being foolish and I deserve so much more. I’m a queen and i don’t want to settle just to have somebody so the only way to sort of the wack from the pack is to date.
I do have my eyes on this one guy in particular. You know im guy crazy right? LOL my grandmohter has been calling me that since I was 12 years old. back than i was more loose with it smh. I’m glad I’ve gained som control over myself. My boy Baldy is headed to come check me at my job, we are doing lunch or something today i don’t know it was kind of last minute. I’m supposed to be heading out with my homie Driz, but I dont know he’s shooting out to take care of some things at 3pm, hell its already 2:30pm and He hasn’t hit me back. hmmm we shall see. but i have to head back to work so i will update my life tonight lol got somethings instore for you!!!