Archive for the Category »MY MIND..... «
Today is a wonderful day! I’m feeling awesome… Its sad when folks try to steal your awesome moments… This is why I’m grateful to my mentors… They taught me early on to protect my happiness. I just can’t believe folks grown folks could be so childish and petty. Jealousy is a monstrous disease! Smh… My haters and those who trespass against me and my journey are the fuel for my ambition. Today I had to catch myself. I was ready to go on a ignorant crusade. However after sitting back and realizing all my blessings, that’s exactly what the devil wants… Its just sad how he works through people. I refuse to get caught up with the nonsense… Its going to take a lot more than name calling and throwing my grandmother in the equation to get a “rise” out of me lol… For those who are lost I have an anonymous hater who goes out of his/her way to email me silly messages… Today I’m a lay on my back ho… I laughed it off, I’ve been called worse but much better people. My angel is shining down on me from up above, she is proud and that’s all that ever really mattered. How miserable of a soul to drag my deceased grandmother into something so disgraceful… Shame on it all… Any who tonight it goes down on sirius xm Shade45.. ‘Lipservice’ followed by ’showoff’ radio.. Of course with me on the boards doing my production thing. We will be airing rude jude and reef live from detroit they will be covering the eminem/jay-z concert so make sure you’re tuned in tonight sirius xm66 shade45 8-midnight ET
Can’t knock my hussle! I’m getting it in 2 jobs 5 classes, my own place, no kids, I’m something like a dream lol 
have a meeting before work tonight… Shout outs to my homie adebisi! 80’s babies the mixtape. I didn’t realize how much our mixtape changed his life but it def did, got him to nyc doing shows etc… I see your progression babe! Get it! In little dominican republic right now (washington heights) lol home of the haze smh… Ill holla simply stylez! God thank you for the strength to ignore ignorance !
So as I promised, I’m going to keep up with my blogs, etc…. For those who have been following my blog for the last two years, you know I blog about my real life shit, as Mz.Stylez and as Shawna… We aren’t going to change the formula now… Today started pretty early. Had 7am class. Work today, which is just a few meetings. Things are going very well in my world. I moved recently, made the switch to BROOKLYN! And its been awesome thus far, its a one bedroom, really cozy, and I’m having all the fun in the world hooking my space up. I’m starting the fall off with a wonderful bang. Slowly getting back into the swing of things within the “business” but with a greater sense of myself. That vacation from everything was so needed… I really needed to detach myself so I could look in from the outside and assess my next move strategically. I’ve been in regular communication with my mentors and, although they want to see me live out my DJ dream, I know I will however, right now my focus is on school and figuring out what and who Shawna is. I know Mz. Stylez I’ve been preparing her my entire adult life, now its time to get to know Shawna and I’m enjoying that. Holla at yall manana
Where the hell do I begin? Okay let’s start with saying. Yesterday was absolutely retarded. What started off a frustrating day ended quite interesting to say the least. I can’t go into specifics but I will say 3 SOMES ROCK!!! lol
So any who after a lunch date with a great friend I’ve decided to make the main character like a super character. Give her characteristics from myself along with some of my close female friends. Shit, this book is going to be jammed packed with juice!!! I feel good this morning. Ever since I started writing I’ve been feeling so free. I’m just happy I can share my writing process with you. Tomorrow starts my week at sirius. Wed- saturday. shout outs to my boy V-Stylez, he is so amped about this project we have coming out i can hardly wait to hear the finished product. You guys are taking the journey of writing a book with me, and honestly I wouldn’t rather a better group of friends:
I feel like sharing an excerpt from chapt 1. page 3 first draft
“my brother Kamahi the oldest of my mother’s children ran away to Harlem, to stay with grandma. I guess after the last beating daddy gave momma, that nigga’ just couldn’t take it any more. There was blood everywhere that night, “Momma must have really fucked up”, is what remember thinking. Daddy was furious when he came in, and he had a pipe in his hand. He and momma argued for a little while, before mama started screaming. Like a scene from a horror movie, blood was everywhere, daddy was calm, a little too calm for a person that just beat the mother of his child. He lit his Newport and, began taking long drags of the cancer stick. “Next time, you better not pop, without me.” He said exhaustedly, massaging his right wrist with his left hand, all the while never letting the cigarette drop from his crusty white lips. He rambled on, “you always trying to get slick, you smoke my shit, and then tried to lock me out? Bitch you must be crazy” Mesha ran to mommas aid, but it was already too late daddy was standing over mama with the same pipe he walked in with, Shayla call 911 Mesha started screaming, mommas bleeding from her head. I loved my mother but I didn’t want to get involved, the last time I accidentally got involved in a fight my mother and father had, I ended up being a human shield. Mama was sick of David, she took a lot from him but she was growing tired. I just wanted to say goodnight, she was in the kitchen boiling water, I figured she couldn’t sleep and woke up for some sleepy time tea, whenever one of us couldn’t sleep she would always fix some sleepy time tea and it always worked, maybe mama needed some tea I remember saying to myself, I entered the kitchen and gave my momma a long hug, I hadn’t seen her smile in awhile and I hated to see mama unhappy. As my mama began to hug me back the first of the three locks on our apartment door unlocked, he was home. Mama scooted me to my room, but I wanted to say good night to daddy too. I inched a few steps away from the kitchen in anticipation of daddy’s entrance. He opened the door, adorned with a huge smile, the smuggest expression I’ve ever seen on his big face. “I’m home” he exclaimed. No sooner than he entered the apartment did Mama Come barging out of the kitchen “you filthy mother fucker, you think I wouldn’t find out huh? You think I wouldn’t find out about that bitch Derrick? I’m so fuckin tired of your shit” before I could move out of the way, daddy grabbed me, he must of saw the pot of water in mamas hands before I did. Mama wasn’t making tea; she was boiling water for daddy. Mama was infamous for trying to take daddy out; she once stabbed him in the kidney, now she was trying to scold him. “put my daughter down” she screamed “, he didn’t flinch, he got a better grip on me and dared my mother to throw the water “go ahead show Shayla how much you love her, throw the hot water april” april was the name my father gave my mothers angry personality. When ever she got angry he got to calling her april. My mother was focused “I’m going to tell you one more time David, put my fucking daughter down, she has nothing to do with this” my mama and daddy were going back and forth and I was crying, not because I was hurt, but more because I was scared. I didn’t want them fighting again. Every day was an argument; every night was a make-up session. “I’m not putting shit down, you want to burn me? Well than you are going to have to burn the both us, you crazy bitch” they went back and forth like that for a while, Mama eventually poured the water out, and daddy eventually put me down. As I was thrown to the couch, I looked at my father, his features similar to mine, I gave him a piercing stare, my eyes were glazed, I was full of fury :“I HATE YOU” I said concisely, he looked at me, his face bewildered, he couldn’t believe what he had heard “ what did you say to me little girl?” My momma’s blood was boiling inside me, I felt bold, felt the need for him to hear me clearly, I repeated myself “I HATE YOU DAVID”-
Raeshoana “Mz. Stylez” Carter
Writing this book is consuming me. In a good way. I find my self so focused. I made it to chapter 5 this Sunday and I must say I’m excited. I’m releasing all of my demons in this book. The things I’ve done I’m not proud of the people who have hurt me and taken from me. So much thought has been put into this project, I really feel like this by far is one of my greatest accomplishments. “FROM PAIN TO POWER- setting my self free” I’ve been playing around with different titles, trying to come up with the best fit for the book and so far that’s what I’ve come up with. A close friend of mine asked me, “What is the purpose of writing a book about my life? Do you think people will buy the book stylez?” she asked. And, well honestly, It’s not about if people buy my book or not. It’s really about me healing. I’m sure some people will have negative feed back, but I’m prepared. I’m taking the painful memories I have and I’m transforming them. I’ve never spoken out; I’ve kept things bottled up for so long. Further more if one person reads my book and it impacts them than my job is done. There are so many women out there who have experienced what some of the things I have, who don’t speak out or who can’t speak out. So I’m going to stop being a pussy, I’ve promised to tell my story, and that’s what’s been taking up the bulk of my time. Good bad or indifferent this book, is my truth. So for all of you who think you know…. YOU HAVE NO IDEA
Yes folk Among the other great things I have going on, I am still writing my book. This isn’t a self help book, or a book on tips lol its a book based on true events and I’m excited. hitting my fourth chapter page 60. I’ve been really going hard at it, even given up going out and running the town to focus on the details and research for my book. I’m very excited. I Just sent the first chapter to my editor. Things are looking very great. I can’t wait to put the book out but timing is everything. This book is going to change my life and the way people look at me. good bad or indifferent it is what it is/ and will be what it will be.!
So the majority of my time will be dedicated to my book. I still have about another 110 pages to write, i average about ten-15 pages a day so i should be finished the rough draft in about 2-3 weeks. I hope you bare with me, i know my updates are bland but all of my creative energy is going into this master piece!
stylez
I haven’t been writing as much because my attention has been else where. I apologize for the neglect. I’ve missed you though if that counts for anything. I’ve been seriously putting thoughts to paper. I’m constructing my first book. As much as I want to go in and tell you the details, I have to wait. Timing is everything. but i will say I am extremely excited. These past few day’s I’ve been MIA. I’ve run around with porn star friends,& reality star friends. Special birthday love to the boy DJ Pro-Style and promoter OBIE and all you other Taurus folk. Stylez has been a busy woman, reconnecting with old folk. closing chapters in my life. Today I’m feeling absolutely in control. I had the opportunity to be a bitch to someone that really did me dirty but instead, i took the higher road. the road to success is learning from your failures, to strengthen your successes. I have been learning so much. I don’t regret anything that I’ve been through and I don’t hold grudges, however I don’t forget either. I will always remember those people who went out their way to hurt or betray me. and I keep those people distant. no need in having those negative forces around me. I’m cooking up some greatness for you loyal readers, so just bare with me and be patient. lol some one told me I’m a freak because I hang with porn stars, and my response to that is, I was a freak long before i met my porno friends lmao. I’m just not freaky with everyone certain lovers get certain treatment that other lovers may not, depends on the chemistry, the relationship etc!
ok I’ll be back to get into it in depth later. but in the mean time make sure you download my latest mixtape with par city HERE: copy and paste code in browse http://www.megaupload.com/?d=N2J83L4Z
SIMPLY STYLEZ PRESENTS PAR CITY HELD OVER THE HOLD UP PART 2!!!!
This week has been very interesting to say the least. This blog will be no different, now granted it is only Wednesday. However there seems to never be dull moment in my life. I’ve been dealing with an eternal conflict. I almost got wrapped up in trying to fit in with the “IN CROWD” who ever they are. I was listening to a radio friend talk about another woman, and how her “shoe game” wasn’t up to par, which got me to thinking. {
DISCLAIMER: What you are about to read is REAL!!! If you don’t appreciate or recognize real, than maybe its time to minimize this page and go about your business}Now I was a little bothered by the comment, especially because as much as I front like I’m getting it, I can’t afford some of the things that my “industry” friends can afford. As much as I’d love to shop on 5th avenue every weekend, I just can’t afford it, and live my real life as Shawna, you know the person behind the Stylez persona? Yes there is a real live person behind my character lol. I became so frustrated with the thought of not being able to afford the nice things that is slummed my entire weekend, I even cried, that was until I spoke to my advisor. He’s been in the game for about 10 years and he is anything but “flossed out” He is a regular Joe, drives a regular car, he rents doesn’t own big houses or mansions. He’s just a really basic guy that works hard and loves music. “Shawna, you have to be you baby girl, you cant allow what these other people are doing/ and or saying to change your mission, you unlike some of these other folk have a gift, you are talented and you’ve acquired a skill, you don’t have to over compensate, with jewelry or shoes, that stuff will come, further more half the people you just mentioned, are bums fronting for the cameras, there is no money in this game anymore, 99.9% of the shit you see is because people are charging it, ruining their credit to “fit in” do you want to be in debt and cute? Or do you want to be able to own property and than go to Gucci? Shit Stylez, your blessed, you’re a woman in the industry and you’ve accomplished more than the average 30 year old, plus you didn’t have to lay on your back for any of it, you’ve earned everything you have, and you can go to bed at night with a clean conscience, some of your business friends can’t, some of them only have to offer their physical, because their talent is out the window, and so is skill. Don’t get caught up ma, stay focused and geared toward the bigger picture.” I thought about it long and hard. I do want the finer things, I would like to go shoe shopping with the “bad bitches” however, material items don’t define me, or how much of a “bad bitch” I am. I remember saying I’m going to fake it till I make it, so when did my vision become so blurred? 
I had to catch myself; I can’t compare myself to anyone else because no one else can do it like me and vice versa. People get so caught up with the flashing lights they lose sight of the reason they get in the game to begin with. I can’t speak for anyone else but I got in the game because radio is my life. I’ve loved radio since the first time I heard star and buck wild on shot 97. Now I can’t live with out my radio. I’ve invested thousands of dollars in an education suited around communications, just so I had an edge on some of the other competition in radio; I’ve actually acquired a degree in it. I apologize for loosing sight of my dreams, getting caught up with the hoopla… But I’m back. Back to making mixtapes for the people, back to talking to the people who support my career, fuck trying to impress these industry folk, Yes I can admit it I got wrapped up but I re-realize, the only person that needs to be impressed is me! I got into this game because I love music, being able to talk to people around the country about things that are important to them, it’s therapeutic. So I may not be able to afford 2,000 shoes, I may not have 2k diamond earrings but one thing I do have is my passion, I unlike so many people wake up and get to do what I love doing, that’s the ultimate reward…
I’VE HAD A MOMENT OF INDISCRETION BUT IM BACK! AND ITS SOO OK TO BE MYSELF. THE SNEAKER QUEEN THAT CAN ROCK A PAIR OF SHOES WHEN NEED BE… FUCK CONFORMING FOR WHAT? TO BE LIKE THE REST OF THE INDUSTRY SNOBS? I’LL PASS AND MAKE MY OWN WAY.. THANKS ANYWAY. IM GLAD I CAUGHT MY SELF!
When you think of the word GOSSIP, what comes to mind?
For me, when I think of the word, I think of a bunch of women sitting around in the nail salon talking shit about the last broad to leave the shop, lol. In fact Gossip is often attributed to women, however more than a few men I know also take part in this dangerous pass time. Hell, I honestly think men gossip just as much as women, if not more. Yesterday I was walking with a friend from Sirius, I needed ice, and so I asked him to take the walk with me. Upon reaching the ice machine we passed a co-worker, everything was normal, said our hello’s, made the small talk, but no sooner than she walked away was he telling me how much of a slut she is. I just listened, wanted to see how much information he would spill. 
So if he could talk to me about the character of another woman, imagine what he tells his boys. It’s just like me n that kiss and tell, I honestly believe that those are the type of men that are the “pressed type”, you know? The type that never really got play in high school etc and now when they do get the wet and wild, they feel like it has to be a public broadcast…
There is nothing more sacred than trust between two partners, sexual or otherwise. I need to know that my business won’t be floating all over the street. Hell, how can a person truly explore and get creative sexually, and or otherwise if they have to worry about what they did being advertised later?
I think it all depends on the maturity level, if your partner is mature enough, he won’t care to tell your business further more, birds of a feature flock together, if your partner is mature chances are his/her friends are too, what ADULT {doesn’t necessarily mean 18+}
Do you know wastes time on kissing and telling? 
If two adults decide to get down, than that should be just what it is, neither of the two participating parties should have to worry about who will find out what, and who is talking to who about what’s going on in the bed room. I think this is one of the factors that distinguish the men from the boys, girls from the women. Are you with your partner for show and tell? Or are you with that person because you genuinely enjoy him/her? Guys its bad enough women gossip, we don’t need you doing it too. You’ve stolen the tight jeans, you rock the Murse {man bag} hell you even use body butter, but please, please refrain from the gossip. It’s too lady like lol.
It’s Monday the start of yet another work week. Usually I start the week off with a playful blog, but this morning is going to be a bit different. I couldn’t help but notice one of the trending topics on twitter this past weekend. What blew my mind further were some of the ignorant comments people were making, especially some made by tasteless women. The trending topic was RAPE.
I can’t speak for anyone else, but I consider this to be an ultra sensitive topic, that should never be joked about. There is nothing funny about a person forcing themselves on another person. I was more than offended by some of the comments people wrote, and disturbed by @lilduval for starting the trending topic in the first place. Now before I go in, I will say I kinda liked lil Duval, I thought his twitter antics were funny, until he created the #itaintrape…, I can’t begin to describe the outrage I felt. We joke and kid about things without really thinking about what we are putting in the atmosphere “#itaintrape if the pussy gets wet” that’s what one of the Duval groupies said.
I mean seriously, where do we draw the line? Apparently I wasn’t the only person outraged because @Michaelskolnik from global grind lashed out on the foolishness as well, in an article titled “are you fuckin kidding me” www.globalgrind.com 
I think it’s a shame people just jump on the band wagon for anything, with out using a bit of common sense. I mean come on, #ITAINTRAPE? There isn’t anything better to TT about? This dude @lilduval is wack for that, and I don’t care how many of you duval groupies don’t like what I’m saying. Does this man not have women in his family?
Is he that desperate for attention? This is exactly what my mentor means by fame seekers, so thirsty to be in the lime light, they will say, and do anything!!! People are so desperate to seem “twitter-cool”. Rather than being a fame seeker, why not use your influence to help our community?
I talked to my home girls about this, and they were all outraged as well. Out of my 4 closest homies and myself, 3 of us have been molested or raped. Lil Duval you have no idea of the mental anguish we’ve had to deal with, on a daily basis. What if your daughter was raped? Would you tell her, it ain’t rape if your pussy gets wet? Pathetic, Rather than trying to get attention, and trying to make people like you on twitter, maybe you need to do some soul searching. If this is the type of attention you want, you are the lamest. Victims of rape often blame themselves for it, Hell, I used to blame myself for what happened to me, luckily I’ve had great people in my corner who have helped me through some of the pain, however it doesn’t erase the memory, nor does it change what was done. Your Trending Topic brought tears to my eyes, to see how ignorant people can be. Lil Duval since you seem to have the answers, was it rape when he decided to repeatedly penetrate my 6 year old womb, when he stole my innocence?
People really need to start thinking for themselves rather than allowing idiots like Lil Duval dictate what is “cool”
And if a woman says no, thats it NO MEANS NO, if you take it or try ti persuade her, its rape no if, and, or, buts about it!
Unsure if you will take advantage of her.
She’s weak, been hurt a time or two
But despite the trials and tribulations
She is willing to put the past behind her
And explore something new
She’s willing to let go of the pain
Able to move forward
She wants to feel wanted.
Needs to feel desired
Afraid to express herself
Unsure of which direction to take,
Unwilling to waste time
Not looking to be hurt.
Your fears are her fears
Trusting the unknown
Unsure of what will transpire
However, one thing for sure
She wants you.
She is my Heart.
P-; my backwards smily lol {inny}